Friends...

I had been thinking of writing a post on friends for a week or so when Katy posted the following blog http://katydunnet.com/2011/09/minimalist-friendships/

Having read Katy's post and mentioning my thoughts in her comments I decided it was time to write my post and expand on what I had been thinking...so here goes.

Friends, acquaintances, mates, de-friending, chums, besties, girlfriends, un-friending, boyfriends, buddies...the words themselves bring to mind different people and different emotions.

I was one of those kids who made friends with the other kids at the campsite on holiday even though we would only be there a few days, who chatted to the other children at the party I didn't really know, who would end up playing with other children on the beach on a day trip (and probably proclaimed them my 'best' friends even though I'd never see them again).  Roll the clock forward and I'm the awkward teenager who is the stereotypical wall flower at a party, not wanting to talk to anyone in case they think badly of me or I say the wrong thing - quite a turnaround - is it just me or is that just the change in perception from carefree under 10 to weight of the world teenager?

I am still friends with the girl who was probably my first 'best friend'. (Yes T I'm talking about you!) She was 4 and I was 3 when I started at the playgroup she was already attending. Apart from playgroup we never attended the same school as we moved away when I was 4 (nearly 5).  Our parents and therefore us kept in touch. Birthday sleepovers and day trips, joining us for a few days when we were camping.  Then I really went away, to Uni, and we drifted a bit. Birthday and Christmas cards were still exchanged and the occasional letter full of the names of people we would never meet!! In time she met her Mr Right and I was invited to the wedding, then she had her first child and I was invited to the Christening.  That as when we really reconnected, the party after the Christening was held in the same Scout Hut where we used to go to playgroup. Within minutes my Mum and hers were in the kitchen sorting out the sandwiches and cakes just like all those years ago, and there were me and her sitting on the floor with the toys playing with her daughter - how things change but stay kinda the same!!

I'm still friends with a girl from primary school (when I say still we lost touch but facebook brought us in contact again) and we meet for dinner every few months for a chat and a catch up.  I still have friends from Uni that I am in regular contact with on facebook and I visit one of them to stay every so often (twice in 12 years so far!). Then there are a few people from jobs I've had that I still get together with. It may sound strange but with them it's dinner once a year but it's as if the time in between fades away (we email and text in between).  And on another level still there are the colleagues I work with now, some of whom I would consider friends (I'd be happy to see them outside work) and others I wish I didn't work with at all!!!  And people I've met via facebook get togethers some of which I now consider really good friends and others as passing acquaintances and I wonder why I am still facebook friends with them!

I do clear out my facebook friends quite regularly. I warn people I'm going to have a clear out and if you don't interact with me every so often you're out!

But what of those people you stop being friends with for other reasons. There are those that naturally come to an end due to the end of school, a job etc. I guess they end as they aren't important enough to either of you to make the effort.  I have a few friendships at the moment that are heading towards that point. The only reason they haven't ended already is that I am still making the effort. But if it's not being reciprocated when do you cut the bond and stop trying?  I value my friends, it feels like a defeat, a failure...

And as for the flip side of that. The good friend(at least I thought they were) that defriends you on facebook with no explanation. Who ignores the text, voicemail and email you send them. Do I give up and accept I'll never know what happened? Does it matter?

Should you declutter your friends the same way you do your stuff? I haven't used it (spoken to them) in six months it's (they're) better out of my life? Is it as easy as that? 

That's quite enough from me - what are your thoughts?

Spending Update - Aug/Sept

Here we go again!!

Well it's payday tomorrow and there is £1.14 in the bank account and £13 in my wallet...

The holiday was fantastic and I tried to be good when it came to paying for it. Part of my holiday is actually not a holiday but a paid job doing something different. I used the wages to cover my accommodation and food and a little bit of spending money and the rest went into my savings (which was nearly 75% of it!).  I did buy some clothes (all charity shop!) and decided that as most of what I'd sold on eBay was clothes it was fair enough to cover that outlay with eBay money. In that I managed to get a whole outfit for an upcoming wedding, dress, shoes, bag and cardigan for £19.50. I was aiming to do the one in one out rule when I got home but actually managed one in two out.  I put the nicer of the outs on eBay and made another £56 (from which I bought a lovely £17 dress).  I did splash out on a smart new hoodie but decided as that was a bit of an extravagance the normal monthly wages were paying for that.

So £14.14 (bank and wallet)

£200 standing order
£38.68 in coppers etc from clearing out my wallet each day

Total - £252.82

That's 10p more than last month!!

My Mum did point out that at some point there won't any thing left to sell so the extra money in will stop - all the more reason to save up!

This month I want to try and break things down a bit more and work out how much I'm spending on what! I think it might scare me...

Spending Update - Jul/Aug

So I set myself the challenge of £250 to put into my savings account this month - did I manage it?

This month hasn't gone quite to plan to be completely honest. A couple of good weeks and a couple of weeks where I managed to justify all the 'off plan' stuff I bought (hot chocolate bought off the store card doesn't count coz I've already put the money on the card etc!!)

I did well with the clutter stuff buying, not so well on the meal planning and hot chocolateness.

I have been putting some things on my credit card (event tickets, accommodation etc) but I am clearing the statement each month so I reckon that's allowed!

I did buy a pair of trousers, a cardigan and a pair of shoes (charity shop, eBay, eBay respectively) but as a lot of what I've been selling on eBay was clothes it seemed fair to spend a little of my profits to help my wardrobe on it's way to it's modular minimalist way. The idea is all your clothes go with all your other clothes so you can get dressed in the dark and still look fab, plus being able to make the most combinations from the number of items you have.  Even with what I spent there was still £70 in my paypal account to go with the other eBay money (it's separate to my savings).

So getting to the point...

£200 transferred at the start of the month (£60 monthly standing order, £130 my extra wages, £10 to round it up!)

£26.43 of coppers etc that I put in a pot when I clear my wallet out each evening

£15 in my wallet

£11.34 in the bank account when my wages went in

TOTAL - £252.72

I DID IT!!!

Not sure how this month will go as I'm off on holiday tomorrow and that always seems to end up being expensive. Will have to see how it goes - pop back in a month to find out!! ;-)

Spending Update

So, yesterday was payday - how did I do?

Due to an admin oversight at work I have been underpaid for some time, last payday was my first at the correct rate so I immediately transferred the extra (£130) over to my savings to start me off at what I have been living on.

I stuck to buying one Pret hot chocolate a week (although I didn't say no if someone else offered to buy one!!), my one lunch out and my one takeaway.  On weeks where I was going out for dinner I ditched the takeaway altogether.

The meal planning worked brilliantly (thanks Jo at http://simplybeingmum.com) up until this week! I didn't make the effort last weekend to plan properly. I went to visit my Auntie straight from work on Weds and didn't want to take my empty lunch box so told myself it was OK to get lunch out! I won dinner out on Thursday night and used the same lunch box excuse! Friday I went to dinner at my Mums and as it was payday decided it was OK to treat myself to lunch again. Bit of a failure there but the rest of the month I was really good. The food shopping is also being supplemented by my allotment now which is producing lettuce, radishes, broad beans, marrows, beetroot and rhubarb, and the tomato plants on my balcony are also now producing fruit. The onions, shallots and garlic will also be ready soon. I have been including all this in my meal plans as it would be such a dreadful shame to let all the hard work in producing it go to waste!

I haven't bought ANYTHING from eBay, nada, nothing, zilch - and that is a BIG thing for me so I'm chuffed with myself. I have however been listing and selling things and the money I've made is going into a separate pot!

Of the events that were coming up that I was thinking about I booked two of the three, sacrificing a slightly cheaper one for a more expensive one rather than doing all three.

Now I'm not quite sure what I expected on the money side of this experiment but at the end of the month although the bank account was bare it wasn't overdrawn! Normally my standing order that goes into my savings goes through but then I end up transferring most of it back! This month the extra went through as did the normal monthly one and it stayed there!! I clear my wallet out every night of everything except £1 coins and notes. I have one terramundi for £2 coins, one for 50ps, a unicorn money box that a good friend of mine painted for me that gets the 20ps and an oversize whiskey bottle that gets the 10ps, 2ps and 1ps (my Mum gets the 5ps!). This month I still cleared out but put everything in a cup to count at the end of the month to see how much was there. The grand total £26.03. I also had £30 left in my wallet.

So a total of £216.03 has gone into savings (not including eBay sales) and I might put the £30 from my wallet in there too - that's nearly £250!! Go me!!

I'm going to do even better this month! The eBay, hot chocolate, lunch out and takeaway policy will stay the same. I am out for dinner tonight and away tomorrow and Monday so that will involve some spending but I'm not going to go mad. I don't think there are any events on the horizon at the moment to book for and I have another payday before I go on holiday.

So the challenge - can I bank more than £250 at the end of this month - come back and find out!!!

My New Mantra

Have nothing in your houses that
you do not know to be useful, or
believe to be beautiful.
- William Morris

PayDay Challenge

So, this secret plan of mine isn't getting very far (as expected!). One of the obstacles is money (isn't it always?) so I have set myself a challenge as it's payday today. This month (that's my pay month which is 15th-15th) I am going to only buy the 'essentials' and see how much I have left at the end of the month.

Now I admit I am still deciding what I mean by 'essentials'. If I am too strict with myself then I know I will fail (a little bit of what you fancy and all that) but at the same time I have to set some boundaries.

So far I have decided that I will allow myself to buy one Pret hot chocolate (a serious weakness of mine!), one lunch out (by that I mean soup or a sarnie from a shop near the office, probably on a Thursday as I love the current Thursday Pret soup!) and one take away a week. All my other meals will be made at home from the grocery shopping. I might even try and plan the weeks meals and then only shop for what I know I will eat that week thus reducing the 'ooh that looks nice' purchases and hopefully not having food to throw away (this is inspired by Jo over at her blog, who does a 'no waste tastes great' bit)

I am looking for a pair of black MBT's for work on eBay and if they come up at the right price I will buy them - I have set myself a budget that I promise to stick to on these.

I have a couple of things planned this month that include reflexology, dinner out, a surprise trip (I know where we're going but the person I'm taking doesn't) and a day out with friends in London. I will still do these things but keep an eye on the wonga.  I also have a few things that have cropped up in the next couple of months that I would like to go to so I am thinking hard about whether to pay out for all, some or none of them!!

I have cut down a lot of the newsletters that I was subscribed to (I'm a bit of a gadget freak) to try and stop some of the exposure to and therefore the want of new 'stuff'.  

How will I do? Who knows - I'll keep you updated!!

Motivation

So, it's been a while. Yes I've been all de-motivated again. But no more. I came across something this weekend that has given me a nice big boot up the backside! I don't really want to say too much as I don't know if I can pull it off, and even if I can how long it will take but it has definitely put the zing back into me!

So it's back to de-cluttering (another batch of things on eBay tonight) and some serious planning, investigating, researching and generally making a nuisance of myself!!

Watch this space!!!